UNhappy Spaghetti noodles

In the beginning......

Once upon a time......

A long time ago in a land far away.....

it was a dark and stormy night.....

alright, it wasn't a dark and stormy night. In fact it wasn't even a single isolated night. or day. or year. that's why i'm having such a difficult time deciding how to begin. because there wasn't really a beginning, but i sure-as-macaroni hope there's an ending.

my life seems to be a mess of tangled spaghetti at the moment. and not the good kind of spaghetti either, it's the kind that sat too long in the water, so it nasty and water logged and falling apart.

falling apart, my friends.

Firstly there's the whole college shabloodle. y'know, the ol' decide where to apply and then spend too many painful hours working and reworking and adding a story and cutting a paragraph and scratching the whole thing and picking it out of the trash to wipe off the scum and redo it all over again.

very much looking forward to it.

speaking of senior year i am taking four, count them FOUR a.p. classes. yippity skippity. and on top of that i am trying SO VERY hard to change my highschool, which is a pioneering effort by the way. and my principal is little more than passive about it. and i really don't want to upset anyone by doing it, which is a very real possibility since i ran for student gov. and lost. upsetting people would not do well to encourage a good reputation which apparently is becoming worse and worse seeing as how i got TOILET PAPERED for the first time EVER last night.

this is good for my self esteem.

well anyways that's my life in a nutshell. which fits because i've been acting like a nut lately. but whatever, i'll just sit and stand and walk and talk and sleep and eat and play a little chess, i'll wash and smell and brush my teeth with this annoyingly unyeilding weight because, based on the reflections of people in my life, and specifically the ones i love the most,

i am an insanely inadequate slug trying to take on the world.

verdict is in.

the answer was



NO


I wasn't important enough. we didn't talk.he doesn't care. we won't go anywhere. he isn't interested.


thanks for asking.

What sort of sick person is writing the script for my life?

Director:OK OK everybody! stop chattering at once, stop-chattering-at-once-now-we-gotta-get-goin. who's got an idea?

Bert: Ok so Paige and Peter are sitting in the car right? so they...

Director: i-love-it-i-love-it. OK where-can-we-go-with-it?anybody-got-any-ideas-c'mon-any-ideas?

Bert:Well like i was saying Paige and Peter are finally discussing the bitter endings of their new relationship, which is just the sort of thing Paige has been wanting to do, when....

Director: nice direction bert, nice,i like the whole car thing but whose got something new? something fresh? something-piping-hot-right-out-o'-the-ol'-oven-who-feels-me-who-feels-me-Leonard-whaddaya-got-for-me?

Leonard: sitting in the car when.....he suddenly has to go home.....

Director:has to go home urgent-urgent yeah i like it. conflict-in-the-story-yeah-i-like-it-but-where-does-it-lead?what's-this-whole-shaboodle-all-about? talktome talktome Jim!

Jim: Uh.....so.....the audience is wondering if they're going to see eachother the next day, before she leaves on a three and a half week trip........you can interrupt, that's all i got.

Director: nicenice, wonder. intrigue. is-he-gonna stay?is-he-gonna go? true?false?bond?free?male?female? i see where you're goin with this but what's the twist? what's the fresh-outta-daisy-scheme here? c'mon-c'monpeople let's-get-to-it, Lenord back to you, let's go!

Lenord: so he says "we can talk tomorrow, but i've told like seven people that so i might not remember" then he smiles

Director. Smile! Smile! the ladies love the smile, i just think-we-gotta-....

Bert: and then he asks her a question totally non-re.....

Director: Hey!hey! i'm the only one who inturrupts around here!.......................carry on.

Bert: asks a totally non related question like say, i dunno... what did you get on the ACT, and she won't tell him and he's frustrated cause he doesn't get his answers and she doesn't get hers, so they uh...decide to swap answers the next day! but he has a tendency to forget...

Director: the big question! is she important enough? will he remember? will he have the guts to bring it up? will they even talk? what questions will she ask? good work fellas good-work-my-boys. that's enough for one day, we'll just present the conflict and cut to commercial break.

the "Ex" factor

When you go bowling, getting a Strike is the ideal. your friends cheer, and a huge "X" pops up on the screen, indicating your success.

I have recently learned, that when your dating, Striking out is the worst case scenario. your friends shake their head, and there seems to be a huge "Ex" that pops up on your forehead, indicating your failure. X as in do not enter. X as in unacceptable. Ex as in "no longer dating Peter Golding"

X as in mistake.

That awful little "Ex" seems to follow me everywhere, changing my possibilities with Peter from innocent "his girlfriend" to sleazy "his on-again-off-again"

...and that's best case scenario.
IF we date again.
which we won't, because of this cute little X that i wear around like the scarlet letter.

I never liked that letter anyway. nothing starts with the letter X, and preschool teachers have to resort to drawing pictures of xylophones for their alphabet art.

nobody uses xylophones.

Oh well. welcome to living life with "The X factor"........the Ex factor.

Exra Ordinary

you've probably passed me on the street. you know, that girl who isn't in a fashion magazine, hasn't published a book, and never gets mistaken for a famous actress, but also clips her nails, loves her pizza, and probably has a decent job.

that's me.

that ordinary girl that you've seen a hundred million times, and probably live two blocks away from, without knowing it.

it seems like there are a lot of people like me in this world, and i keep waiting for the revolution of ordinary people. for the day when the guy at the hot dog stand wins American Idol, or the lady at Wal Mart goes on Oprah. but it never happens.

it's not because we don't have any significant thoughts, or hopes or dreams, but because we've been wedged into a rut. a comfortable rut of contentedness, and we feel like if life is going fine, why rock the boat?

but i'm sick of it.

I don't care if the boat flips over. i hope it does, and turns everything upside down. Ordinary people may ask themselves "what's wrong with living an adequate life" I'll tell you what's wrong. adequate doesn't mean extraordinary. why settle for less when you can have everything?

people say "shoot for the moon" i say shoot for Jupiter! shoot for Pluto! shoot for galaxies that haven't even been discovered yet! people who say "the sky's the limit" have no imagination. there is not limit! from now on, i am no longer Ordinary,

i am chasing the extraordinary.